Last night I saw Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Lest you think this might be a movie review,
let me say up front, it isn’t. I’ll just
say this about the movie; if you haven’t seen it, put it on your list of movies
to see. If you have seen it you’ll know
why it triggered the memory that led to this blog.
The photo on the left was taken in
1944, a couple of months after my second birthday. I’m the short sailor – the tall one is my
daddy, the second, Bertram Lee Carson. I’m
the third. I’ll tell you about the
original in an upcoming blog.
Daddy and I loved each other, but we weren’t
close. There were a couple of reasons
for that. First, we were so much alike
he could read my mind simply by thinking what he did in the situations I found
myself in, and second, because I failed to do the one thing he regretted never
doing, finishing college.
I graduated from high school in
1960. Three months later, I enrolled in
the local junior college. I did pretty
well there, so when I told my parents I wanted to go to a four year school, and
I didn’t want to wait until I finished at the community college, they
agreed. When I told them I’d chosen
Alabama College, (now The University of Montevallo), near Birmingham, Alabama
and five hundred miles from our home in Palatka, Florida, they didn’t try to
talk me out of it, in spite of the extra cost of out-of-state tuition.
I lasted a little over three months
before dropping out a week before the end of my first semester. I’m not stupid. I belong to both Mensa and the International Society for Philosophical Enquiry.
My problem was, I couldn’t handle being 500 miles away from home with no
class attendance requirements. Or to put
it another way, there was no time in my social schedule to attend class.
A week before final grades were
published, I left school and drove home.
I pulled in my parent’s driveway just as daddy was leaving for
work. He walked toward my car as I
rolled the window down. A couple of feet
away he stopped, looked at me, and said, “I guess it didn’t work out.”
“No sir, it didn’t. I guess I was just wasn’t ready for it.”
He nodded then said, “Go on in the house
and take a nap. Tell your mother I’ll be
home for lunch, and we’ll talk then about what’s next.”
The next thing was a job. They were plentiful in those days. I moved back into my old bedroom and that was
that – for about a month. Then I started
thinking about my girlfriend at school, and how much I loved her. In an amazingly short period of time, I was
obsessed with the idea of going back to the school and making things right with
her.
A couple of days later, daddy came home
from work, and I was waiting for him. Before
he was three steps into the house I blurted, “I have to go back to the
school. I have to make everything right
with my girlfriend. I know if I do that
everything will be alright… then I’ll have some peace-of-mind about this.”
I paused and looked at Daddy, who was as
silent as a statue, his eyes searching mine, I suspect for some sign of
sanity. Before he could say anything, I
continued. “I know this will work. I have to do it. And… and… I don’t have any money, so I need
to borrow some.” I thought for a second,
did some figuring, then said, “Two hundred dollars ought to do it.” Then I shut up.
Daddy looked at me for a while. Finally, I saw what I thought was a smile
starting on his face and I thought, everything
is going to be OK. Then he spoke,
and I knew I’d been wrong.
“Son, I know you think that’s the thing
to do, but let me assure you, that’s the last thing you need to do right
now. You need to be still, physically
and mentally. I won’t loan you the
money to do anything I know isn’t the right thing for you to do…”
I don’t know if he had anything else to
say or not. I jumped up, ran outside, got
in my car and headed for town. As I
drove, I began thinking, that’s OK, I’ll come up with the money I need. I’ll go back to school, and I’ll handle this.
To make this part of the story a bit
shorter, my good friend, boss, and later my brother-in-law for a while, knew a
golden opportunity when he saw one.
Minutes after storming out of the house, I sold Joe my custom built ski
boat and my full collection of Snap On tools for $120.00. Joe still thinks it was funny, and I still
grieve for the boat.
I knew I was cutting it close to
attempt a 1,000 miles (round trip) on $120.00, but a nineteen-year-old on a
mission can rationalize anything.
Before the sun went down, I was heading west on Highway 100. Eight hours and $75.00 later, I was parked
beside her dorm, which wasn’t co-ed, so I huddled in the cold car until she
came out at 8:00 AM. She took one look
at me and shouted, “Bert Carson, I’m done with you. I don’t ever want to see you again. Ever!”
I was speechless. She spun on her right heel, and resumed
walking to her first class. I watched
for a moment knowing there was nothing I could do to stop her. I also knew Daddy had been right. Then I thought, if I drive straight home
maybe daddy will never realize I’ve been gone.
As I walked to the car, I mentally counted the money in my pocket and
did some math. I figured if I drove slow
and didn’t eat anything, I would be able to make it. The last thing in the world that I wanted was
to call daddy and ask him to bail me out.
I headed back toward Montgomery. Just south of the city, I had a flat
tire. There was no money in the budget
for tire repair, so I put on my spare, which was slightly larger than the other
three tires. Going down the road, the
car looked like an old hound dog running a bit off center, which, as I think
about it, was very appropriate.
I conserved gas like I never had before
or since. Just outside of Lake City,
Florida, with a single quarter left in my pocket, and so low on gas the gauge
bounced off empty every time I hit a bump, I had my second flat tire.
I coasted off the pavement onto the
sandy shoulder in the middle of pine forest that seemed to stretch for ever in
every direction. I don’t know how long I
sat behind the wheel, before I heard a car coming. I stepped out just as a deputy sheriff pulled
in behind my obviously disabled vehicle.
Before he could say anything, I told him my story… the long sad version
of it, and he listened to every word.
When I finished he said, “That’s tough. If I had some money I would help you, but I
don’t.” He thought for a moment while I
waited. Finally he smiled, and said, “There’s
a store down the road a piece. I’ll take
you there. Maybe the owner will help you
out.”
Minutes later he let me out in front of
what was obviously the general store for backwoods area. I was a bit hopeful, when I saw the single
gas pump and the weathered Pure Oil – Firebird sign in front and noticed the
rack of new and used tires beside the building.
I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and marched into the
store. The owner called out, come on
back, I having a bite to eat back here.
He didn’t miss a bite of his sandwich
while I talked, trying not to think about how long it had been since I’d last
eaten. I must have talked for five
minutes, and he hung on every word.
Because he listened so intently, I was sure he would help me. I ended with, “and if you’ll let me get a
tire and a tank of gas, I’ll come back tonight and pay you.”
I stopped talking, and he stopped
eating. There was a long moment of
silence, and then he shook his head, wiped his mouth, and said, “Son, I’d love
to help you, but I have a rule, and it’s simple. I don’t help anyone with a sad story and no
money. I just can’t afford to.”
I turned and headed for the door. I had taken five steps, and I remember every
one of them, when he called out, “Wait a minute..”
I turned back toward him as he asked, “What’s
your name?”
I said, “Bert Carson.”
He was transformed. When he regained a bit of composure, he
asked, “Son, why didn’t you say that when you walked in?”
I managed to ask what difference it
would have made and he said, “It would have made all the difference in the
world. You see, your daddy has called
every gasoline distributor with stations on the highway between your house and
wherever you were going in Alabama. My
distributor called me this morning. He
gave me your name and he described your car.
He told me that if you came in I should give you anything you needed,
because it’s all paid for. You didn’t
tell me your name, and you weren’t driving your car, so it took a while to
figure it out. Sorry ‘bout that.”
I got gas, a tire, and breakfast. An hour later I pulled in the driveway, and
once again daddy was just leaving for work.
He walked toward the car, as I rolled the window down. This time he grinned before he spoke and then
he said, “It’s good to have you home, son.
Looks like you could use a nap.”
That happened fifty years and lot of
miles ago. I’ve been in a many tight
situations since that day, but I’ve never quit because, thanks to daddy, I’ve
always known that someone had my back.
My only job was been to keep going the very best that I could, and that’s
what I’ve done.